What would you like to know about infertility?

I am looking to start a website and would like to become more active on my blog. My goal is to help others through this difficult journey of infertility. So tell me, what would you like to know about infertility? I am a registered dietitian and certified diabetes educator, so for example, fertility foods and blood sugar control automatically pop into my mind. I’ve had questions on how to correctly do basal body temperature, how to increase your chances of ovulation on your own, etc. Please post below what topics you would be interested in!

Changing Thoughts of Envy

This was from my devotion for today in the Bible App from the Relational Reset: Unlearning the Habits that Hold You Back by Dr. Laurel Shaler:

“Oftentimes, we believe that an event triggers a feeling, but the reality is that what we think about the event leads to the feeling. For example, if another couple in our circle of friends had a baby while my husband and I continued to wait years to adopt, I might have felt jealous of them. But, there is a missing component in that sentence. Something happens between the event of a couple having a baby and my feeling of envy—my thoughts. In this case, I might think, Why does this couple who have barely been married a minute get to have children while my husband of fourteen years and I continue to wait? If I change my thoughts, I can change my feeling. A replacement thought might be, I am thankful that this couple does not have to experience what we have been through. I am thankful they gave birth to a healthy baby. I am thankful they are a godly couple who will raise their child in a Christian home. Plus, I bet I’ll get some baby snuggles! When I change my thinking, my jealousy eases and I can celebrate with these new parents. When we replace a jealous, harmful thought with a realistic, helpful thought, we feel better and our relationships are less likely to suffer.”

I wish I had this mindset the first time going through infertility and treatments but I sure didn’t. Envy controlled my life as I pleaded with God to let us just have one baby to love. One day I did finally surrender our infertility journey to God, where I allowed him to enter my heart and change my thoughts. But this choice was and still is a daily choice. Not only with dealing with infertility but now that we are pregnant, I have to choose to trust in Him that he will take care of this baby and our family. This can devotion can be used for so many situations in life where envy controls our minds and hearts.

Love and baby blessings❤️

17 weeks pregnant

Here I am now 17 weeks pregnant with our baby blessing. I haven’t wrote a blog post since our 2 week wait. It was hard to write a post announcing we were pregnant for 2 reasons.

1) the heartache I feel for anyone reading this post who is on this infertility journey. Before having Grady there was a point where I cringed at any baby announcement or seeing a pregnant girl. It hurt my heart knowing that may never be me. I never want to bring that pain to anyone else. We were already blessed with Grady so I did and still do have this sense of guilt being able to be pregnant again. So for any of you precious ladies reading this post, just know I am praying for you daily. Please leave a comment and I’d love to pray for you and your husband specifically by name and for your future baby or babies–however God may choose to bring those to you.

2) I was scared that this pregnancy may end in another miscarriage. Not that I don’t still have that fear, but now being 17 weeks along, it is must less of a fear.

I plan to start posting more frequently again. I’d like to backdate about the role of nutrition during early pregnancy and the importance of preparing your body to get pregnant.

Love to all and baby blessings ❤️

The 2WW

The dreaded 2 week wait is almost over for this girl. Since we transferred a 5 day old blastocyst babe, we are able to find out 9 days from day of transfer whether we are pregnant or not. I’m a typical girl who likes to look to Dr. Google STILL during this 2WW, even though this is my 5th time going through the IVF 2WW. You get the same articles/forums with recommendations ranging from bedrest during this time, no sexual intercourse, to eating only warm foods and wearing warm clothes. This fear of only doing xyz and making sure you eat abc is of this world. Ultimately if that precious embryo is going to implant and make a sweet precious baby, it’s going to. If it’s God’s plan to grow your family, it’s God’s plan and nothing can get on His way. Of course take care of yourself, treat your self as if you were pregnant and listening to your body are extremely important. But I don’t think God intended this 2WW to be scary or full of rules. So sweet sister, put down that phone and stop looking up what you should and shouldn’t be doing to improve your chances of getting pregnant. Snuggle up to that husband of yours and spend some good quality time together, something FUN! Go see a movie, go out to eat, play a board game or video game or go hiking. Get out, live, love and have fun doing all while praying that God grants your the desires of your heart this go around.

Love and baby blessings ❤️

Frozen Embryo Not Surviving the Thaw

I never thought I would be in this journey, going through infertility treatments. NEVER did I think we would have a miscarriage…that just wasn’t a part of our story. Or so I thought. But July of this year, that became part of our story when there was no heart beat at our 7 week ultrasound after transferring our last frozen embryo from our first round of IVF. NEVER did I think that an embryo would not survive a thaw, let alone our “best graded”, “our #1”. Hearing these words felt like a knife stabbing my heart, “Unfortunately your 5AB didn’t survive the thaw. We usually have very good thaw rates. But the good news is you still have 7 left….do you have any questions about the transfer?” My heart was breaking and my mind couldn’t concentrate on anything other than trying to fight back tears. I couldn’t even think well enough to come up with a question. “No,” I said as I looked at Justin and lowered my head. “Okay let me see if they’re ready and you can come on back.” I am so incredibly grateful that we do have other frozen embryos and unfortunately the other couple who was transferring with us today, their first thawed embryo didn’t survive today either and they were transferring their one and only embryo today. I overheard the girl asking the doctor, “What do we do next if this doesn’t work. I’m nervous.” “We would do something very similar to what we did this time,” said the doctor. This seems simple from a Birdseye view but going through the financial, mental and physical burdens of IVF it is not that easy. It’s not just something you jump right into because an embryo didn’t survive the thaw and you only had one to transfer. I pray for that couple. I pray that God brings them comfort over these next 9 days until they receive their results of their pregnancy tests. I pray for their broken hearts from losing a baby embryo. I pray God grants them the desires of their hearts to become parents to a precious baby.

Today has been filled with many tears and trying to choose to trust God. But today is one of those tough days on this journey. A day where I am questioning God’s plan even though I know his plan is far better than I can ever imagine. But right now my heart hurts. Just like you would express your true feelings to your husband, your mom or your best friend, I think it’s important to do the same when talking with God. He knows your true feelings so why do we try to mask them and pray “proper”? After speaking with God today and telling him about my anger and my sadness I did feel better. I told him my frustration with my doctors words and in the same breath I also thanked Him for providing my doctor with the skills and expertise He provides to my doctor and his staff. I express my sadness that we’ve lost yet another embryo, but thanked Him for our precious baby boy that we get to hold every day that others on this journey may not have. I expressed my guilt for choosing to go through IVF again in hopes to give Grady a sibling and yet again we lost an embryo, one that wasn’t even given a chance to transfer. But I then thanked him for providing some insurance coverage this round and for having a supportive husband who does not have any regret about going through IVF and staying positive when I’m not. I told God about my anger and frustration for having to be going down this infertility journey again, but then I thanked him for allowing this to be mine and Justin’s cross to carry because it has grown us closer as a couple and so much closer to Him. I pray that through this journey of ours, we can show others struggling with infertility Gods goodness, mercy, and love.

Infertility is hard. Miscarriages are hard. Negative pregnancy tests are hard. Some days, choosing to trust God is hard. God never said this life would be easy. Actually he says we will face trials in this life “I have told you all this so that you may have leave in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.” John 16:33.

God has given you this journey, it is yours. Just like this journey is mine. Others have been given the journey of cancer. Some financial struggles. Some years of looking for that special spouse. Some the battle of mental illness. Everyone has their own struggles. What we choose to do with those struggles and how we handle those struggles is our choice. So my question for you today my question for you is, what are you good to do with your journey? For me; at the end of all of those I’m hoping to be more like Christ, more loving to all people (even pregnant people ;), and maybe I’ll be able to help someone through a similar journey one day and give them hope. I’m going to choose not to dwell on the negative, but also know I’m human and it’s okay to have bad days. I’m going to choose to pray and trust in God and thank him for all I have.

Love and baby blessings ❤️

Secondary Infertility

Yesterday I had bloodwork to check my progesterone and estrogen for our FET in 2 days! My husband had to work and I didn’t want to ask my mom to watch our son because we are trying to keep our transfer a surprise, so Grady came with me. I remember the feelings and thoughts I had when I saw kids in the waiting room at the fertility clinic the first time I went through IVF. Why is she here at the fertility clinic….she already has a child? Couldn’t she find someone to watch her kid(s) for the sake of “our” emotions? Doesn’t she understand how painful it is for “us” to see her with her other kids. Looking back on these thoughts, this was the devil creeping in and I failed to stomp him down. I don’t know any one else’s story. Maybe they were nieces or nephews, foster kids, or maybe she had to go through fertility treatments to have that baby. Or like me, she was blessed to have a miracle baby through IVF and also has frozen embryos that they are going to transfer. And none of this matters, all that matters is she is hurting too, going to appointment after appointment to try to have a baby just like me. Whether this is for a baby #1 or baby #10. Just like me yesterday, for some reason she had to (or for that matter chose to) bring her little one(s) to her appointment with her. Maybe it is comforting for her to have that little one with her and if that’s the case–you take that precious gift from God with you to every appointment and don’t look back. Now being on this side, having 1 healthy baby and going through IVF again I have a completely different view when I see mom’s with little ones with them at appointments. When the mom is trying to “shush” her little one, turning on YouTube videos and filling their mouths with snacks just to try to keep them quiet in the waiting room–I want to hug that mama and tell her it’s okay and seeing her with kids could be giving other future mama’s hope. I want to tell her that these appointments, stressing whether to spend time away from your little ones to go to these appointments or stressing because you are taking your little ones with you…it’s so worth it to work towards your heart’s goal to have a baby. I know mine and Justin’s heart tells us to try to provide a sibling for Grady. My heart is in it to have 3 or 4 kids! So who knows…a few years down the road, I may be having to bring 2 or 3 kiddos with me to appointments to be able to transfer all of our little frozen embryos.

So for all of those girls going through this the first time around and who were like me, who felt bitterness and jealousy towards those who bring their kiddos into fertility clinics, I pray for you. Because I was you. It hurt. I thought they were trying to show off that they had kids and I didn’t. Sweet sister this is not the case. We are all in this together. God has put the desire on these couples hearts to have a child or children and we all need to join together and pray that God grants us the desires heart.

I wish I would have memorized this verse the first time going through IVF to help me rid of these jealous thoughts, “A peaceful heart leads to a healthy body; jealousy is like cancer in the bones” Proverbs 14:30.

Love and baby blessings

Frozen Embryo Babies

Today we had our appointment with our reproductive endocrinologist to discuss what embryos we were able to freeze. We were very happy with how my body responded to the meds and that 15 fertilized. 6 babies were frozen on day 5 and 3 were frozen on day 6! 2 of those 3 frozen on day 5 were frozen “out of protocol” which basically means they would have thrown them away because it was unlikely they would result in a viable birth…or may not even survive a thaw. We chose to chose embryos out of protocol the last time as well. Justin and I both decided that if any embryos are alive we are freezing them and giving them a chance…we will let God decide if the embryo survives a thaw, implants, or become a live birth. We are praising God for these miracle embryos of ours and are counting our blessings.

I would not be telling the entire truth if I did not express my anxiety and concern of the thought of going to through 9 more frozen transfers (if we decide to only transfer one at a time). Mentally and physically prepping your body to transfer a frozen embryo is tough, not to mention the financial aspects. It has been extremely tough this time going to appointment after appointment having our 18 month old son. It just wasn’t possible to keep it a secret from my mom this time with him. I needed someone who could watch him whenever I needed to go to an appointment. She has been incredible not asking questions, other than “how are you doing?” for the most part! And for that I am so grateful. I can’t imagine going through a frozen embryo transfer with another little one in the mix. But I know I will have to trust in God and be grateful for the incredible support system that we have and lean on them when that time comes.

I’m also overwhelmed at the thought of my dream of having 3 or 4 children, just MIGHT comes true…which I NEVER thought would happen after going through infertility. Overwhelmed with joy..and overwhelmed with fear because I have NO CLUE what I’m doing raising Grady. There are days where I throw my hands up and ask the Lord to take over when he is throwing those toddler temper tantrums or isn’t speaking as many words as I think he should be or doesn’t want to eat vegetables. The thought of being able to raise another little one and love them just as much as I love Grady seems impossible. I don’t feel there is any more room in my heart. But I do know this isn’t true, but I do think this way at times!

Infertility is tough. Even when you get what you’ve prayed for, for us in this case was to have frozen embryos to transfer. Our next prayer is that this transfer  in 18 days results in a healthy and happy pregnancy and baby. Knowing we have several more transfers left in our future is a tough pill to swallow right now just because of the toll it takes on your body. We don’t have that option to just stop at 2 at this point if we feel our family is complete. I truly don’t think we would ever feel that way, but that thought comes to mind. Other people who don’t struggle with infertility or have frozen embryos are able to make the decision to stop growing their family when they want. I never thought these thoughts would ever come to mind, but I’m sure I’m not the only one. And some people may be fine with leaving their embryos frozen if they decide their family is complete. But for me and Justin, this wasn’t an option for either of us.

I’ve been feeling a tug at my heart to do something with our journey. That’s actually why I started this blog. I would like to eventually start a business with health coaching focusing on infertility but there have been several “signs” pointing me in the way of maybe just starting a support group or short term small group at this time? I am a believer in sharing your testimony. Now this is all new for me, and I’m not good at speaking, but God did put us through this season for a reason. And I believe it is to help others through in someway. I want to glorify God through all of this. I’m not sure what exactly that looks like, but I am praying that the Holy Spirit guides me. I pray the same prayer for you. Is there someone in your life going through infertility that you could help support? Maybe its just a text message or phone call. The best gift a friend who has a friend going through infertility is to ask them how they are doing, as how their appointment went–atleast for me. It’s nice just to know someone cares. If they haven’t been through infertility, they don’t understand but they can still let you know they love you. But my friend, you reading this, YOU have been chosen to go down this infertility road and you understand the sting, the heart break, the hopelessness, the strain on your marriage. YOU can relate to someone else going down this journey. Why? Because you’ve lived it or are currently living it. So step in and be the hands and feet of Jesus!

Love and baby blessings!